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After a series of events, I guess. I must. I perhaps. must stop, pause, and think about it. thinking properly and facing the situation. is so much better then getting angry over it. I know. but i can't seem to understand this point, based on what I've done. Its just me. Me and my rash attitude. I want a change. I no longer want to be the weak, childish person who can't face small problems. I want to be strong, not weak. and I'm going to be one. I'm going to show that. I'm no pushover. I'm no loser. I'm going to show others my will and power. I'm going to gain others' respect, not forcefully. I'm not going to stand aside and watch things go. I want a Change. Change to me Change to my sad and miserable life in secondary 2. Where I hide and not show. So why? Why must i hide? Can't I show? I'm just too immature and afraid of things. Maybe this change would bring me upon something great? something meaningful? Unlike now. Everything is so pretentious to me. I don't seem to achieve. I can yearn but never to attain. Why? Again reasons are meant to be learned. not meant to be realized. My dear readers, If you are reading this. and YOU know me for quite a weak person. (maybe not) Then perhaps you are wrong . . I'm going to show, who I really am . . for a changed person. Slowly . . Subtly . .
I'll play for you.
Everything. exist for a reason I believe that living in this pitiful World. There's bound to be a reason. Am I to find that reason? or Am I to wait for it to pop in front of me? or Is Life a Mistake? I wonder. What do you think then? It does not set me free.
I'll play for you.
Things just gets worse by the day. My piano exams in 6 days and I'm not able to play properly??!! cos i really suck alot at classical..-.- Yea..and the recording at SCH I really thought it was quite good. but it turned out to be bad. Bloody hell. I no time! I don't have anytime to focus!! This week 5 tests. And i don't think I'm able to ace all.. I don't have time to waste on other things too . . I've already given up gaming. I've already played less basketball. I've already stopped running..(long ago) My only recreation left is probably. Piano and Msn Nothing else. I don't have time to sit down to read a book or something.. maybe sometimes i do infront of the computer but not always! Whatever I don't give a damn. Everything just seem to . . Collide. The time i have is always not enough. Why? Maybe, I should just stand strong, and face it. Perhaps it's just my life. Perhaps all these things are just simply obstacles i have to face? perhaps then. Maybe the solution to all my problems is just ahead but i don't seem to see it ? I really don't know. My problems are all around. Be it Big or Small. And now I guess I just have to face it all..
I'll play for you.
Can someone tell me what to do? I'm like bored of everything . . sick and tired . . at a loss . I don't mean it. I don't force upon. I don't want reactions cos i really can't help it. but what to do about it? Can I just go on and forget it? or Must I do something . .? must I? I wonder how.
I'll play for you.
I sometimes wonder. If I'd talked so much about others. What about myself? Me in this world? Well... i guess some moments in life gotta reflect Maybe i should put the blame on myself Maybe i should shut the fuck up and don't say a word Maybe i can just leave everything alone, and don't be such an extra idiot Maybe things.. things just don't want to go my way.. or simply, don't ever want to.. to go the way i wanted. Perhaps its all fated. I can't change things. Like how i can't change my junior. Perhaps. If I'd leave it aside for now. Things Would change?? I could only hope for it.. guess there isn't any thing. that can be taken for granted at all.. Once again. I waited. All the best to me..
I'll play for you.
Being emotional is one thing. Its also not the very 1st time I got into this situations. Emotional? So be it. I don't really give a damn about the things revolving around me. It has already happen so many times...so many and really, almost the same kinds of the past, be it work, studies, music or relationships. why?.. when is it going to stop. Can I just have a break? Oh well. I can't just live like this forever. would I?
I'll play for you.
Ignorance . Defiance . Pretense . Cowardice . Four words to describe those fuckers out there.ya there are many. I'm putting it as a general term. I'm not pissed. I'm disappointed. totally. Fuckers have been given chance over chance. but they treat it like no one's business They don't there to voice out. All they could do is hide behind and curse. Isn't that defiance and cowardice? Not just that. Some people do hide a dagger behind their smile. In front of others they fake their whole fucking life through, and after wards start to curse and swear? Isn't that Defiance, Cowardice and Pretense altogether? yea don't be surprise that I know all this crap of yours eh? Sometimes its just a tit for tat. pros and cons you fuckers choose one side, I do choose my side as well. maybe you guys think I'm turning to the "dark" side. but do I care? There's no more room for such a comment. NO. You might want to forgo such a ruthless friend like me ya? Well I say GO AHEAD then. GO.DO IT. I don't really deserve such friends like the lot of you. You don't ask me why. I have been Betrayed, Bullied, Disrespected by some others in the past. AND THIS? such a small thing. I'm already used to all these. It doesn't matter to hurt more . . On the other hand, those few amongst all, asked me to chill.once again Although I say i can't really CHILL anymore but I really appreciate it. thanks again. And I will. After all is over. Would things change? What to do . . You just have to go the hard way after all . .
I'll play for you.
After this long and tiring and annoying freaking hell week.. FINALLY got to rest for abit yup went to alumni band.(honestly BORING) then on to lunch with some band mates (siti sorry ah. SUAN you too much dnt sad AH. don't hate me also LOL) yup then went on to treat myself and tailored my sch pants after such a long time of decision making Wahaha. yea and went to Bras Basah to get TYS for maths and science. (really very cheap!!) haha Jieyi and xinrui sorry ah. LOL because your Economics books are just too expensive.(you can ask tristan) LOL Yup had a tiring day, but fun.woohoo. went home to makan.with relatives a late cny dinner.haha
I'll play for you.
The band has gotten rid of a few of the weakest members, sorry to say but what's good is that the sound of the band as whole, improved. However, the essence of childish-ness still lurks. I've given thousand of chances. People think I don't care. but i do. the next time i stand up on the podium ......it'll not be the same story again..
I'll play for you.
COMPLAIN.COMPLAIN.COMPLAIN. From here, the cycles goes on once again. 2 NOTIFICATIONS of the day. ONE, people said my junior who comes every wed morning to do self practice w/o punching in , is making too much noise, and I don't know who that asshole is. TWO. people got punished for wed morning practice and were made to write a whole chunk of lines as punishment. AND THEN AGAIN PEOPLE FUCKING HELL COMPLAIN AGAIN!!! my fellow blog readers, let me tell you this. we don't give a dam to that kinda loser attitude ok? that's that!! Some people accepted their fate, some loser don't OR should I say, LOSERS?? Its those losers' fault and they think they can complain to spoil us? dream on. we don't give a dam..
I'll play for you.
Friends come and go. Like cars at a junction. once they see the green light. they moved on.. probably not to return by the same way..
I'll play for you.
Is everything gonna change? No matter what, I just really really hope everything . . remains the same. It would do.
I'll play for you.
I'm such a down and out person With no apparent reason i feel that way. I can't achieve much? All I know is MUsic??! Although some may think otherwise, I think I'm such a loser. HOPELESS A LOSER. FAILURE. SUCKA.. ILL-FaTeD SCreWed Up PerSon Who bcomes a fucker for no reason.. I know I am But.. "Its all over a god damn joke" Thats what you think eh? TKAMB ~ " I don't hafta take your sass!" At this very point in time, I realise I couldn't stand alone anymore. NO MORE. I just need this Very someone here. Please. Maybe You know who you are, Maybe You don't But what you really have to know . . is that you have someone always by you all these times . . and I need you now . .
I'll play for you.
My official 1st day of remedials in school. It's totally killing...KILLING!!! The teachers just pile up stuff after stuff...no mercy at all, like seriously. Not only that, there's band on one side, and O lvls on the other..simply nonsense. If I were to tell you, a 6 pointer optioned for Temasek JC...and couldn't get in?!! Its seriously like fuck, i tell u. The teachers drive us hard to get the results in us. It's all the sake for the reputation of the school, like some teachers say, whatever we do in school or outside school displays our image. That's all the school cares about??! what the fucking hell logic is this??! They give us so much pressure and expect us to get the results?? without even a gurantee in ouor future studies??! Isn't this nonsense??! Furthermore, the education system nowadays is so competitive, how do you want us students to survive?? The only possible way is to fight and study very hard, but is that worth it? Simply, the school, this school, is barely a wolves in sheeps clothing. trying to hide a knife behind a smile, and we as students. do ALL the hard work.
I'll play for you.
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The Maestro
Qingle a.k.a PlainBlueSkyes
La Memoirs
→ August 2008 Au revoir
Xinrui Your Words
Enchantment
Designed By: velvet-sky
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